


Always You, Never Me

by merlin_the_dragonlord



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, F/M, M/M, Possible Character Death, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-01
Updated: 2014-07-01
Packaged: 2018-02-06 23:55:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,074
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1877256
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/merlin_the_dragonlord/pseuds/merlin_the_dragonlord
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was always him. But it was never me, was it? </p><p>Snapshots into the relationship between Arthur and Merlin and how things fell apart.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Always You, Never Me

**Author's Note:**

> I have nothing to say, except that I'm sorry.

_“Of course. You’re my best friend, Merlin.” Arthur beamed at the younger male as he handed over half his brownie._

_Merlin smiled back, elated to hear those words from his mouth. “You’re my best friend too, Arthur.”_

_“Let’s make a promise!” Arthur held out his hand, pinky extended. “We need to promise to always be friends!”_

_“Best friends.” Merlin linked his pinky with Arthur’s and grinned._

_“Always and forever!”_

“I’m sorry, Merlin, I have to go to football practice now.” Arthur gave him an apologetic look as he began packing his school supplies.

“But… You were supposed to come over today.” Merlin looked up, slightly crestfallen.

“I know, but the championships are coming up soon and coach really wants to win this year. You understand, right?”

Merlin had no choice but to nod. “Of course.”

Arthur studied Merlin for a second. “Tell you what. This weekend, come over to mine for a sleepover. We’ll get pizza and I’ll kick your ass in Halo, okay?”

Merlin nodded again, swallowing around the hard knot in his throat. “O-Okay.”

“Come on, Merls. At least look more excited.” Arthur fondly reached over and ruffled Merlin’s hair before waving his hand in front of Merlin’s hand, pinky extended. “Promise you’ll come over this weekend?”

Merlin looked up and gave him a weak smile before fulfilling the pinky promise. “Promise.”

 

The football team won their championship game, and Merlin stared up at the Pendragon mansion. All he heard was loud music and raucous laughter as he rang Arthur and brought his phone up to his ear. No one picked up. Sighing, Merlin turned and walked away with another broken promise. 

 

* * *

  _Arthur laughed again as Merlin fell, his feet coming out from under him. “Come on Mer-lin. It’s not that hard!”_

_The dark-haired male pouted up at his friend. “I’ve never ice skated before!” He complained._

_“It’s easy. I’ll teach you.” Arthur extended his hands and effortlessly hoisted Merlin up. “Come on!” He held onto Merlin’s gloved hands and skated backwards, slowly, giving words of encouragement. “Be careful…”_

_Merlin cautiously slid his feet forward, being careful to maintain his balance. After a few minutes, he grinned up. “I’ve got it!”_

_“See? I told you you could do it!”_

_“Woo hoo!” Merlin began going at a faster speed, still clinging on to Arthur, but quickly found out that that wasn’t a good idea as the pair tumbled onto the ice._

_“You idiot.” Arthur said fondly. “We should come more often. You’ll get better.”_

_“With a teacher like you? Never.” Merlin declared, which earned him a half-hearted whack._

_“That’s it! I’m going to make you the best ice skater the world has ever seen.” Arthur slapped his hand over his heart and the two boys dissolved into giggles._

Merlin laced up his ice skates and looked forlornly at the ice. His coach came up behind him. “All right, Emrys?” She asked, placing a gentle hand on his shoulder.

“Yeah.” He glanced up at her and stood. “What am I working on today?”

“Actually, I wanted to talk to you about something. Sit back down, Merlin.” Nimueh sat down next to him and regarded him with sharp eyes.

“Am I in trouble?” Merlin blurted out, searching Nimueh’s expression. At that, she raised an eyebrow.

“Should you be?” She asked skeptically.

“I-I don’t think I’ve done anything wrong?”

“Then relax.” She pulled out her blackberry from her jeans. “Actually, I wanted to talk to you about entering the World Junior Figure Skating Championships.”

“E-Excuse me?” Merlin’s eyes widened.

“Well, you would obviously have to qualify first, but I think you have a good chance. The qualifier’s October 10th, would you be interested?”

This wasn’t something he could reject lightly, but his heart sank when he realized that the qualifiers were the same date as Arthur’s birthday. “I’d have to think about it.”

“Merlin, you have so much potential.” Nimueh smiled at him. “I have high hopes that you’ll take home the gold in the Olympics one day.”

“Really?” As a two-time gold medalist herself, Merlin knew that Nimueh wouldn’t say such things unless she meant it.

“Of course, you’d have to work for it, but I really do think you could do it.”

Merlin bit his lip. He had celebrated Arthur’s birthday with him for ten years now… but this was his future on the line. “I’ll do it.”

Nimueh straightened up and clapped her hands in delight. “Great!” She stood and gestured for Merlin to follow suit. “Let’s get started on your routine.”

 

Arthur was absent as Merlin lifted his Olympic gold medal and he ignored the pang in his heart. The moment he got home, he tossed the medal in a box along with his skates and his number one world ranking and swore that he would never skate again.

 

* * *

_Merlin grinned as Will took his hand and intertwined their hands together. “I hear this movie’s pretty exciting.” The other boy commented, looking up at the movie board._

_“I dunno.” Merlin rocked back and forth on the balls of his feet. “I’m good with whatever you want to watch.”_

_“How bout…” Will didn’t get a chance to finish his sentence as Merlin was roughly ripped away from his grip. “Oi! What’s the deal, mate?” He turned and was confronted immediately by an angry Arthur._

_“Get lost, Boyd.” The blond all but growled out._

_Merlin frowned. “I’m sorry, Will. Call me when you get home?”_

_Will rolled his eyes and muttered something about cock-blocking pricks before stomping off._

_Arthur turned to Merlin, who was watching his best friend with a quizzical look. “What was that?” Arthur demanded._

_Merlin cocked his head, eyebrows furrowing. “That was a date, you prat.”_

_“Will’s a slag. He just wanted to get in your pants.” Arthur declared._

_The younger male looked to the side. “How do you know that?”_

_“I overheard him making a bet with a bunch of other blokes that he could shag you within five dates.” Merlin’s eyes widened upon hearing that bit of information. “Honestly, Merlin. You’re too trusting. What would you do without me?”_

_“I suppose…” Merlin looked dubious._

_“Tell you what, let’s go see that dumb comedy movie you wanted to see. Morgana dragged me here to watch some romantic movie, but I’m sure she wouldn’t care if I left her.”_

_“But she will care.” Merlin protested._

_“It’s okay. You’re worth it.” Arthur grabbed Merlin’s wrist and dragged him to the ticket queue._

Lipstick stains colored Arthur’s cheeks as Vivian planted kisses on his face, occasionally going in for a shameless snog. Her hips were grinding into his lap and his hands were up her dress, seemingly uncaring that they were in a very public club. Merlin sat there quietly, knocking back another shot with the goal of getting absolutely hammered.

A dashing, dark male walked up to the raven-head. “Hey there, sexy.” Merlin looked up and gave him a tight smile.

“I’m sorry, I’m not interested.”

The stranger shrugged before he swung himself onto the barstool next to Merlin’s. “You with him?” He jutted his chin out towards Arthur.

“N-No! We-we’re just friends.” Merlin stammered out, knowing that he was turning bright red.

“Mate, I know just friends and trust me, you have got it bad.” He signaled for the bartender and ordered two beers.

Merlin winced. “Is it that obvious?” He asked softly.

“Yup.” He popped the last syllable of the confirmation. “By the way, name’s Gwaine.”

“My name’s Merlin.” He accepted the beer that Gwaine offered him. 

“Well, Merlin… Tell me, what brings you here?” He looked up and down at Merlin. “No offense, but you don’t seem like the club type.”

“I’m not.” Merlin mumbled, sipping his beer. “Arthur got a promotion and we’re celebrating.”

“You mean he’s celebrating.” Gwaine glanced over to the two before wincing. “Jesus, they look like they’re eating each other’s faces.”

Merlin snorted into his beer and started coughing. Alarmed, Gwaine began thumping him on the back. He braved a glance and saw what Gwaine had said was pretty much true. Arthur must have been really smashed. “I think I should take Arthur home. He seems pretty drunk.” Merlin stood. “It was nice meeting you, Gwaine.”

“Likewise.” Gwaine’s mouth twitched for a second. “Here, give me your cell.”

Merlin raised an eyebrow and he pulled out his mobile before flipping to the new contact screen. “Here.” He held it out to Gwaine and the other male filled out his information.

“Text me if you need anything.”

“When you say anything…?”

Gwaine held up his hands. “Look, Merlin, I’m not going to deny that you are very attractive, despite your lack of… well… clubiness.” One hand gestured to Merlin’s attire. “But regardless, you seem like a nice guy and I’d like to be friends. I wouldn’t object to more, but that’s your call.”

Merlin gave him a smile and thanks before weaving his way through the mass of people to get to Arthur. “Arthur.” He poked the blond in the arm. “We should get going.”

Vivian drew back from Arthur to look disdainfully at Merlin. “Excuse you, can’t you see we’re busy here?” She asked snottily.

Arthur looked dazed. Merlin squared his shoulders. “Listen, Vivian, Arthur’s completely hammered and he should get h-“

Vivian gracefully slid off of Arthur’s lap to stand in front of Merlin. “Listen here, you fag.” She jabbed him with a perfectly manicured nail. “Arthur doesn’t want you. He never will, because unlike you, he’s not a cock-loving queer.” Merlin’s stomach turned upside down and he looked at Arthur to come to his defense.

“Arthur?” Merlin asked tentatively.

“I’m fine, Merlin.” Arthur didn’t meet Merlin’s eyes. “Go on home. I’m going home with Vivian.”

Merlin looked back and forth at the two, trying hard not to let Vivian’s victorious smirk get to him. “Fine.” He backed up a few steps. “Fuck you too, Arthur Pendragon.” He whirled around and fled the club.

“Merlin!” He recognized Gwaine’s voice and he slowed, allowing the other to catch up. “What happened?” Gwaine looked down at Merlin and saw him shaking. “Oh no… Come on, I’m taking you home.”

“He… she…” It was too much. He flung himself at Gwaine and buried his face into the broad shoulder. Gwaine’s only reaction was to wrap his arms around the slender male.

“It’ll be all right, Merlin.” He murmured. “It’ll be all right.”

 

Merlin would never forget the look of betrayal in Arthur’s eyes the first time he introduced Gwaine as his boyfriend. Four weeks later, Merlin broke up with Gwaine.

* * *

  _Arthur tugged at his tuxedo, whining unhappily about how uncomfortable it was. Merlin shrugged. “It’s not too bad.” He said._

_“That’s because you’re tuxedo doesn’t fit right.” Arthur groaned as he tugged at the bowtie._

_“That’s a dumb argument.” Merlin countered._

_“I don’t even understand why I have to be here.” Arthur sighed.  
“Your father is getting married, clotpole.” Merlin reminded him. _

_“So? It’s not as if Catrina likes me.” Merlin could hear the hurt in Arthur’s voice. It was a sore subject, for his future step-mother to dislike him. He had originally hoped that maybe, just maybe, Catrina would be able to fill the hole of the late Ygraine Pendragon, but it just wasn’t to be._

_“It’s all right, Arthur. Come on, we’ll be late!” He tugged Arthur’s sleeve and they left the dressing room._

Guinevere Smith, soon to be Guinevere Pendragon, looked beautiful. Her white dress hugged her curves and highlighted her beauty. Morgana Pendragon stood in the maid-of-honor spot, still as a statue as the ceremony droned on. She only had eyes for the best man, who was just as still as her, save for the few tremors that went through his body. He was standing, nearly petrified, his eyes down and unseeing. If one looked closely enough, you could see the glassy layer of unshed tears in his eyes. Her heart broke for Merlin, who visibly tensed as the priest asked Arthur if he took Guinevere as his wife. As soon as their lips met, his entire body sagged and he shut his eyes. Applause filled the chapel as the happy couple signed the marriage certificate, but Morgana couldn’t feel any happiness. All she could feel was Merlin’s grief and heartbreak.

Later that night, as Arthur was carrying his new bride across the threshold, all Merlin saw was the bright white lights of the truck before he was flung into darkness. 


End file.
